If you’ve been dating your significant other for a while, it’s tempting to think that moving in is the next step you should take. After all, you enjoy each other’s company and moving in can be a great way to save money. But before you start fantasizing about how great taking the next step in your relationship might be, you’re going to want to consider if you’d make good housemates. You’ll be seeing each other just about every waking hour, not just after work and on the weekends. And that’s just the start. Maryland-based relationship coach Chris Armstrong says these are the questions you should ask yourself before you take the move-in plunge.
Can We Agree on Money?
Armstrong says there are different topics you should discuss when it comes to the almighty dollar. First, talk about whether you feel comfortable sharing a bank account. That’s a big step for most. You’ll want to know if the other person has debt, as that might limit how much money you can spend.
Second, you’ll want to disclose your spending habits. If you believe it’s important to purchase high-quality food and your partner feels that having a nice car is more important, you should work out a plan you can both be satisfied with.
The third topic involves planning for retirement and talking about how much you’d like to save.
How Do You Feel About Guests?
“Some people want an active and an open house. Some people want a more closed house. Some people don’t care,” Armstrong says. If you’re the type that likes to have guests over all the time but your partner prefers quieter evenings, it’s best to talk about how you’d like to treat your guests.
Can You Merge Your Belongings?
You’ll want to discuss up front how you’re going to blend both your belongings. You probably won’t need two couches in a one-bedroom apartment, so one of yours will have to go. This may mean rearranging furniture, selling it or even putting a few pieces in storage.
You should also consider the overall atmosphere of the apartment, if you two have very different tastes, it’s important to find a happy medium if possible. Otherwise this could also turn into a bigger issue than it is.
What Are You Comfortable With?
Items that seem small but can end up causing huge rifts include leaving lights on or off, keeping doors unlocked or open, and the depth of cleaning you like to see in each room. Maybe you like sleeping with your dogs in bed and your partner doesn’t. Or maybe you really want a dog or cat but your partner is opposed to it. These are all important things to consider before moving in together.
What Are Your Food Habits Like?
If you’d prefer you and your partner sit down and enjoy a prepared candlelit dinner every night but he or she would rather veg in front of the TV and eat KFC all the time, you’ll want to ensure you can reach an agreement you’ll both be happy with. Additional factors you should consider include meal times, snacking habits, how often you prefer to dine out, and how much money you’d like to spend on food.
Asking the right questions before moving in together is key to living in a peaceful household.
“Asking those kinds of questions is very important. You really do find yourself morphing for the other person. I guess I can’t be as lively as I used to be. So people end up adjusting for their partner because they didn’t have the conversation before they moved in,” says Armstrong. “How much of an adjustment are you going to have to make? Are you adjusting so much that you’re changing who you are?”
If you discover you and your partner can’t reach an agreement on these issues or if you can’t even discuss them, it might be best to hold off on moving in together. For more tips on how to move in and keep your relationship intact, check out this post.